Today in speech class

Today our group assigmment was to exhibit odd behavior in an elevator while our classmates looked on and observed reactions. What i turned in:

A young woman entered the elevator with us, and i mentally prepared for my odd behavior experiment. As soon as the elevator doors closed, i immediately yelled out “JESUS CHRIST” and ducked my head down, as if i heard a giant explosion. The silent elevator was no witness to such an event, so the young woman reacts immediately, looking extremely alarmed, nervously laughing and asking if i was alright. Incredulously, i look around and ask if anyone else heard the imaginary explosion, and then wave the thought aside as if my imagination was playing tricks on me. She continues looking at me like and saying i scared her really badly. I act as if i realize something and quickly leave the elevator on the next floor. My classmates tell me she continued to laugh and look nervous the whole way up to the fourth floor, it seems my action really scared her.

the last light – 2005?

This one is a bunch of pieces together, i think it went with the abrupt shifts i had with the music. I really need to find the demos. This reminds me of listening to Circle Takes the Square.

the last light
by chris avila

the questions and answers
all sound the same
“im sorry to hurt you,
but i’ve lost faith.”
feelings of failure
i can’t explain
i’ve turned off the last light
tonight

restoring to power
our fallen king
his footsteps forsaken
when we learned machines

i can’t stop a glacier
i can’t stop this war
if trying means failure
then why ask for more?

and i climb
and i crawl
but i can never return
to the tops
of the trees
that tower over me
and i fall and i flail
scraping elbows and knees
on my stomach
my penance is carved

lament of the lighthouse – 2005?

Here’s another old piece. I remember riding in my friend ruben’s truck while reading this aloud to him, and just seeing the competitive look in his face.

lament of the lighthouse
by chris avila

burning the lighthouse was their first mistake.
light would prove useful when navigating the rocks
as bodies washed ashore,
i notice their faces still registered surprise
that look men get when they realize its too soon,
debts unpaid, husbands, fathers and sons stolen from home.

that night we swore we’d never be like them.
we thought of the lifeless bodies
that never washed ashore.
no one knows what became of them.
did they ever exist?
if immortality is gained through legend,
then was their life a gift in vain?
the last of the flames
are caressed by night’s whispers
and i’m the only one left awake.
it’s time i went home.

The Anniversary – 2005?

Wow. So 3 years ago what was i doing? I was in a band called Before the Fall. I loved Coheed and Cambria. And that was the last time i remember where i tried to write creatively. These next few posts will be some old things i tried to write.

the anniversary
by chris avila

we march til nightfall
in rain soaked boots
muddy fields awashed with tears
and precious sleep is a rare commodity
only those with no regrets have the right to harvest
and fathers fight for the children
who sleep soundly in their beds
indifferent to the blood spilled
on battlefields they’ll never see
to them its just history

Days like these
are marked with anniversaries
we replace those that are fallen
those unfit to heed the calling
through bruised cheeks and battered lips
gracious words flow from our ruined tongues

they resound with pride
when we find apathy is our greatest enemy
this one is for all, we’ll fall

hyper-individualism

Is the dash necessary? I’m not sure its a real word exactly, but the etymology is perfect. We discussed some inter cultural ideas in my speech class, this was the most interesting. I always have ideas bouncing in my head, but its always someone else who ends up expressing them better. Two great quotes i acquired from our lecture:

US: The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

China: The nail that sticks out gets hit the hardest.

From our discussion: the difference between modern US culture and other cultures is that the our value system and ideals breed hyper-individualism by rewarding those who will do anything to succeed above all others. This explains why Capitalism works so well, why companies such as Enron tried everything to get richer, even if they already had enough money to be set up for life. How much money can you possibly need? This kind of behavior just shows what the elite people in our society value, it’s almost as if you cant have too much of anything, as if putting your needs or greed in front of others is acceptable conduct. While many wealthy people are described with words like “Benevolent”, “Philanthropist”, “Donates to worthy causes”, it feels as if they all become competitors eventually.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are those cultures that strive for the good of the community, not just for the individual. It’s considered bad to try and be different! These societies value family, collectivism and “good for the group” higher than anything. There are cultures that still exist today with arranged marriages. There was a news story not too long ago where a woman was killed by her father and brother because she went against her families wishes in who to marry. Now this event tragic and unfortunate in any context or culture, and to us this might seem insane, but in their society it must have been understood. Not accepted behavior, but understood as in many families could have foreseen something like that eventually happening. Arranged marriages are made to honor ones family, to gain riches or prestige, for the good of the group, in this case the family. The family above all, benefits from marrying into another good family, and marrying a stranger is something acceptable for a woman to do for the sake of her family.

While listening to the lecture, i started thinking about myself. 1) As a product of the US institution, i was told that to succeed i need a higher GPA, to get to the BEST school, to make the MOST money later in life. Work hard for YOURSELF. Invest in YOU. 2) As a product of a Mexican family, i want to improve my situation so i can eventually help improve the quality of life for my parents, and my family. What is not acceptable to me, is something that is pretty common in America. Retirement Homes. These are places that people shove their aging parents off to and then forget about them. Other cultures honor and respect their elders and would never think of doing such a thing. I didn’t think id ever put my own needs in front of my families, but i see myself doing it sometimes. Example: My wife can’t go a day without calling her mother, i cant go a week. It could be because women are traditionally more attached, but that doesn’t pacify my mothers need to hear from me, i know she would love a call every day.

The problem i face is now reconciling these two ideals and arriving at some sort of compromise. I am a product of both cultures after all, and i do agree with both ideals to some degree. While i do value family, i know that i wouldnt have a problem distancing myself from a family member who tried to cheat me, for example. That is a foreign thought to my mexican coworker, he has been cheated by his brother, but he doesn’t mind because he is family. We are products of our environment and our genes, but others like me are forced to become products of two environments. I am a work in progress.

you look like the type, that gets lost in daydreams

you look like the type, that gets lost in daydreams

dreaming of a life, of a different type

what could happen “if”, what didn’t happen “because”

i sleep all day, give in to dreams

won’t keep awake, i’d rather dream, rather dream

what do you see? when you close your eyes.

I worked out lyrics to this melody in my head, finally. A bit cheesy but i think i might have something here.

Work in progress!

So i’ve decided….

there are a few things i’d like to try and write about. I would like to do like a running commentary type on interesting ideas i hear, like a journal of sorts. This will be dealing more with creative output, i can experiment with stuff. Another idea is making a sort of review type blog with all the crap i use daily, mostly iphone news, music, video games. Well see how this pans out!

The point of this is….

Basically to practice more writing.

I guess also a place to organize my thoughts. So far, i am recently married and I am a college student about to transfer to a university. I starting a new job soon in a new industry and leaving my first job that lasted 6 years. I am a musician for life and love all types of music. I listen to video game and technology Podcasts and am a nerd. I wish I could read more, exercise more, and my mind was quicker. Reading this as im writing it down feels like I am a generic person, but I will prove I am not to myself. Here we go.

Thusly, a strange wondorous new feeling cometh over me….

Look at me world! My opinions are valid! I matter more than YOU!

Hm. Hopefully i can keep this going.